Friday, January 13, 2017

On the passage of time

Today Facebook told me I had memories from this day to look back on.  

Six years ago today I was finding out about something I missed in my dad's COBRA paperwork that was going to interfere with his insurance coverage.  I remember the stress of that time and trying to figure out how I was going to navigate the mistake, although I don't remember all of the specifics. 

Five years ago today we found out we were having a girl, and Addie was beyond excited.  We had a late ultrasound and brought pink cupcakes to surprise our family waiting for the news.  I was so excited to add another girl to our mix. 

Three years ago today we moved all our belongings into the garage of our home and moved ourselves into a hotel for several days while we waited for our windows to be reinstalled.  Long, long, frustrating days after 7 months of our build that I wouldn't want to relive. 

It struck me looking back on these events how much happens in what feels like the blink of an eye.  Each of those years looked so different, from being up to my chin in caregiving to being completely elated to welcome another baby to being so exhausted from a marathon build process.  Today if I were to summarize the day, it would talk about going to a doctor's appointment, grocery shopping, cleaning and cooking and celebrating Sam's birthday with friends tonight.  It would talk about how loud a few 9 and 10 year olds can be, and how grateful I am for the good kids we're surrounded with.  It would talk about how much mess can be made in a kitchen after making homemade pizzas.  It would also talk about how grateful I am to be where I am right now.

Wes is hard right now with ear infections and lack of words and lots of screaming and whining, but even with those few difficult behaviors, I feel some of the fog of the first 18 months starting to lift.  I feel myself being able to do a little more than I have been.  When we made goals for the year, one of my goals this year was to have people over more often.  Addie gave a big sigh of relief because it's been the norm for a long time to have people over, but since Wes was born I had to recognize the things that had to go, and that was one of them.  I've retreated from a lot of things over the last 18 months (really, longer, when I factor in being pregnant).  My energy has been limited, and so I've had to put it where it's really mattered.  As I've started to get out of the haze, I can feel myself stretching out again, willing to gather some of the things that have fallen by the wayside back into my life.  It feels good to get back to some of those things that bring me  joy.  I don't want to take on too much too soon, but there are friendships I've neglected, words I haven't written, music I haven't played, parties I haven't had, and things I haven't learned that have waited for me.  There are plenty of things I have learned, and learning how to be selective with my time and energy during different seasons of life is one of those lessons.  I'm hopeful that as I reach out again, I can enjoy taking things on without overextending.  Life is a constant balancing act.  Time passes oh so quickly, and I don't want to regret how I'm spending it.  I'm grateful for the little Facebook memories today that reminded me just how fast time flies.  

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