Monday, September 19, 2016

For me

There is so much happening in this stage of life.  Five kids is no joke.  Right now is a quiet moment.  The big 3 are at school.  Nellie is at preschool.  Wes is napping after his 6:30 am wake up call.  I've exercised and read a conference talk.  I've packed 3 lunches, listened to a home reading book, done hair for 1, picked out clothes for 3, and gotten 4 kids out the door. I've made breakfast for 5, and after I write then I'll make it for myself. I've loaded two dishwashers and started a load of laundry.  It's Monday, so we're digging out from the weekend.  There are still chores to be done, but I need a minute to sit.  Last week was tough on the parenting front.  I poured out my heart to Pat about a lot of things.  Specific challenges with specific children.  My overall feelings of trying to leave survival mode but feeling weighed down every time I make a step towards something more.  It feels like it's been a while since I've thrived.  I'm missing it. After listening for a while, Pat asked me when was the last time I blogged.  I kind of laughed.  Instagram has taken over blogging for me most of the time.  I can jot down my thoughts with a quick sub-par picture and after so many, they all get printed and shipped and it's the best journaling I've done in ages.  I'm still yet to devote the time to make a blog book (although it's on the very long list of projects to tackle someday).  The thing I think he was getting at, and the thing I already know, is that I need to write. I need to be able to process through writing.  I need to be able to re-read and see how I've grown or how things have changed or how they haven't or how much wisdom I had at one point when I seem fresh out of ideas currently.  The face of blogging has changed dramatically.  I still read blogs, though I don't think many do.  The amount of blogs I read has dwindled as the authors have stepped away.  I don't fault them.  I feel like blogging was easier in my twenties with less kids, less demands on my time, just less.  But the thing is, for me blogging helps me be more.  And when I'm in the middle of feeling like I can't be more, I think Pat was on to something in suggesting it become part of my life again.  So I'm back.  I don't promise any regularity.  I don't promise any superb writing.  I don't promise anything, really. I'm making an effort to take care of myself in a lot of ways right now, and hopefully this will just be another one that helps me feel taken care of. I'm coming back for me.  If you're here too, great! Say hi!  Visit as long as you'd like.  But if not, it's ok.  It's for me.