Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day

Lately I've felt like if I had a boss in my job as a mom, there is a good chance my job would be on the line.  I'm stretching and growing in ways I haven't before, and it's not always comfortable.  I am in the middle of some hard work, and not just the physical demands of motherhood.  It's the soul work that is the most demanding.  

In the middle of it all, I see the beauty.  I think about conversations with Charlie about answered prayers.  I open sweet cards from Sam telling me how amazing I am.  I watch Addie orchestrate grand performances and work so hard to be helpful.  I give in to Nellie's demands of "lap, book" knowing that some day she won't be by my side.  

I am blessed beyond measure to have this job.  It is what I would choose a million times over.  But I'm also at a point right now recognizing what I should have learned a while ago: if I want to take care of these beautiful kids and my amazing husband, I have to take care of myself.  It is hard for me to admit that, but at the same time it's kind of empowering.  It's ok for me to make myself a meal and sit and eat it without interruption.  It's ok for me to read a book that doesn't begin with once upon a time.  It's ok for me to take a walk without a stroller.  It's ok for me to leave the house without kids and go somewhere besides the grocery store.  I've come to understand this over the past few days, so now I get to begin to put it into practice.  I'm hopeful I can find a balance. 

I am so grateful for the times I've been dedicated to writing.  I've read through my posts tagged motherhood over the past few days and learned so much.  There were forgotten events that I was glad I'd recorded, lessons I used to know that I'd somehow lost site of, and quotes that hit me again as I re-read them. I need to write more regularly- it's a blessing to me.  

Happy Mother's Day.  I'm sure this is not the most inspirational post around today- for a few of those, read my archives.  ;)  In the mean time, I'm in the trenches, but I'm so glad to be there.