In the middle of it all, I see the beauty. I think about conversations with Charlie about answered prayers. I open sweet cards from Sam telling me how amazing I am. I watch Addie orchestrate grand performances and work so hard to be helpful. I give in to Nellie's demands of "lap, book" knowing that some day she won't be by my side.
I am blessed beyond measure to have this job. It is what I would choose a million times over. But I'm also at a point right now recognizing what I should have learned a while ago: if I want to take care of these beautiful kids and my amazing husband, I have to take care of myself. It is hard for me to admit that, but at the same time it's kind of empowering. It's ok for me to make myself a meal and sit and eat it without interruption. It's ok for me to read a book that doesn't begin with once upon a time. It's ok for me to take a walk without a stroller. It's ok for me to leave the house without kids and go somewhere besides the grocery store. I've come to understand this over the past few days, so now I get to begin to put it into practice. I'm hopeful I can find a balance.
I am so grateful for the times I've been dedicated to writing. I've read through my posts tagged motherhood over the past few days and learned so much. There were forgotten events that I was glad I'd recorded, lessons I used to know that I'd somehow lost site of, and quotes that hit me again as I re-read them. I need to write more regularly- it's a blessing to me.
Happy Mother's Day. I'm sure this is not the most inspirational post around today- for a few of those, read my archives. ;) In the mean time, I'm in the trenches, but I'm so glad to be there.