Monday, November 19, 2012

Honesty

It's good to be back.   We spent last week in Disneyland.  It was a great semi-impromptu trip that was desperately needed, and I'm so glad things fell into place so we could have some family fun and time to decompress.

When we had Nellie in June, things were great.  I loved our slow-paced summer, and although adding another member to our family was an adjustment for all of us, we all seemed to be adjusting and things were going well.  Over the past several months, I've seen myself become more and more on edge.  It got to the point of almost constant irritation mixed with bouts of being completely overwhelmed.  One day while in a state of frustration, I had an impression that this was not normal, and that this is postpartum depression.  I never reached the point of wanting to harm myself or the baby, so I assumed all was well and didn't recognize that this could manifest itself in many ways.  But here I am, feeling so relieved that I was able to recognize and acknowledge what was happening, and hopeful that I can start to pull out of this.  I have gained so many insights in the past several weeks, and I'm hoping to share some of them soon.  I don't feel like I've totally closed this chapter yet, but I'm getting closer to the end.

This is a humbling post to write, but I've felt a need to put it out there.  I hope that others can realize that being sad is not the only symptom.  I hope others can realize that it's ok to be honest and not always feel the need to cover things up and put on a brave face and preserve appearances.  I think this is why I've withdrawn from blogging and friends and life in general.  But I'm putting the pieces back together and learning all along the way.

Hope you're enjoying this week!  I'm on turkey brining duty, and I'm excited for Thanksgiving preparations.  So much to look forward to!

6 comments:

Patty said...

Christina- Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am a nurse and I work with pregnant and post partum moms everyday. What you say is so true! So many of us will tell ourselves that we have no reason to feel the way we do...You have everything you every wanted, wonderful husband, beautiful children and a home...how can I be sad or frustrated? You remind us that it can and does happen! Recognizing that you may need help is a huge step! I am so glad you are starting to feel like yourself again!

Hannah said...

Christina- I am so sorry you're dealing with PPD. I myself have never experienced more than the normal hormone roller coaster after baby, but my little sis and many friends have. I know it can be a very hard thing to handle. But like I've said so many times before, if anyone can do it...you can. Love you lots. Glad Disneyland was wonderful.

Ella said...

I'm glad you're starting to feel like yourself. There will probably be good and bad days but hopefully more and more good. It still makes me sad to remember the period of time that I felt no love for my sweet baby Jack. Ironically I think being forced to slow down and lay around with my back problems helped me tremendously.

Natalie Cottam said...

hang in there, lady! on top of ppd, 4 kids is just plain HARD! lucy is 2 1/2 and i'm still not on top of my game. hang in there and know you are loved!!!

Meg said...

i promise you will get through it. it is so hard, but you will feel good again.

the hardest part for me was recognizing it. it took me 10 months after my second child to even realize what was going on and be able to vocalize it. like you said, sometimes it's hard to recognize when you still are functioning normally and don't have thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby. PPD comes in many different forms. i'm so glad that you are feeling hope that this is the beginning to pull out of it.

you are great! and know that you absolutely aren't alone in this.

Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

LOVE your honesty, I love reading blog posts like this :) Hope you had a great thanksgiving!