|fantastic sentiment from illustrator Charlotte Trounce|
I lamented to the husband a few nights ago that it's a bad thing for a woman when she doesn't feel productive. I'm having a hard time letting go of all the things I thought I'd be accomplishing and embracing the reality of my days right now. I've watched some of my friends move past this stage and into the place where kids are becoming more independent and dreams of productivity are becoming reality. I realize that everyone has their own timetable, but I feel left behind in some ways, like I should be moving at that new faster pace but I have two littles holding me back. And then I feel a million percent guilty for even having that thought. I love having kids at home with me! I am so grateful for these wonderful people I spend my days with. And I'm not sure that this is the end of this chapter for our family- this stage may stretch on for a few more years. It excites me and stresses me out all at the same time.
This time of year is a transition for everyone. We've had one week of both kids in school, I'm sure that I'll start to find my groove more, but I'm kind of tired of feeling like we can't move beyond the bare minimum of household functioning. When I think about what I'm wanting, it's silly that I even have these feelings. I want to feel more on top of things at home. Why? To make things better for my family. But isn't my family what I'm wanting the break from? I want to have more time to help others. But helping others? Why can't I feel more content helping those within my own home? Oh, the irony.
It's time for an a paradigm shift around here. I have my work cut out for me. If you've been in this place before, tell me what's worked for you. I need a pep talk.