|beautiful quote found here|
On Friday we took Sam for some testing regarding the digestive issues he's been having. Although what they're testing for could be overwhelming, I have felt that this isn't the real issue but instead just another thing to check off the list as we try to figure out what the cause is. We went to Primary Children's Medical Center for the test, and while we were there I teared up several times thinking about the other families who were there. I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the children who were there who would never leave those hospital walls. We walked past the doors to the NICU and saw anxious family members in the halls with tags identifying them as parents to their babies. I thought about the families who visit the hospital regularly because of serious health issues. I thought about the burdens that are carried by so many mothers and wanted to give each of them a huge hug and a cheer. They are doing this. They are being advocates for their children, trusting their instincts, and doing their best to care for their kids with extra stresses that shouldn't be part of childhood. I am in awe of these mothers.
After the test, we stopped for a late lunch with Sam where he explained all sorts of things about the workings of the world, impressed us with his increasing reading abilities, and imagined all sorts of amazing scenarios. It's so fun to talk to my kids one on one, even if it takes not-so-fun appointments to make those moments happen. I love being his mom.
Early in the week when Charlie was in the peak of not feeling well, I jumped in the shower fast before we were headed to his doctor's appointment. He waited for me by the shower door, and when I got out, he looked at me and asked in a serious and alarmed voice, "What happened to your body?" I informed him that it had a baby in it, and with total sympathy he responded, "I sooo sorry." I had a good laugh about his concern for my body, but also the realization that I'm not so sorry. I'm so grateful that we're at this point- almost to the finish line- and in the place where my appearance is probably pity-inducing because that's often how you feel when you see someone who looks very pregnant and uncomfortable. And I'm grateful for the funny things my kids say that make me laugh and keep me on my toes. I love being Charlie's mom.
If you want to feel doted on on Mother's Day, get a 7-year-old girl. Addie has been the sweetest over the past several days. She went on a date with the husband on Friday night, and Mother's Day shopping was on the agenda. She informed her dad that instead of going to Costco for flowers they should go to the fancy flower shop, and she picked a gorgeous arrangement. She also stopped by Target to pick up a journal and some mechanical pencils for me, complete with extra lead and extra erasers. She's rubbed my back, told me Happy Mother's Day countless times, and been as sweet as pie. (Sam also got his moment to pick out gifts for me- a hanging basket and a shirt for the baby were his choices.) Addie is kind and tender and thoughtful to the extreme. I love being her mom.
I feel blessed to be content as a mother. I know that there are many who struggle to feel that motherhood is enough, and I also know that for some people it's truly not, but I am glad that it is enough for me. I feel humbled by the responsibilities I feel when I look at the beautiful spirits who are in my care. I am grateful for the growth that it brings in me. Nothing has improved me more. I still have such a long way to go, but my children are forgiving and patient and I feel blessed that they continue to love me despite my mistakes in motherhood. Days are often long and hard, nights are longer. There is always someone in a difficult stage, someone making me rethink my approach, someone to worry about. But there are so many small moments that fill my cup to overflowing. I love being a mom.
Happy Mother's Day