Friday, April 20, 2012

A Weekend Note

Quote from this wonderful talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf, image from this new book

This week has been full of ups and downs.  The start of the week had me in a full-fledged funk.  I was in a lull with the basement project where the stress seemed to be clouding out the excitement.  The lack of getting things done+increase of general chaos around the house has had me out of my groove.  The husband and I were chatting while we were going to bed Monday night.  Just as I began to open up to him about the reasons for my self-diagnosed funk, he fell asleep.  I laughed and rolled over and gave him a healthy dose of teasing about it this week.  He is the best listener and was so apologetic, but it still seemed so funny to me.  I'm glad I could laugh about it and let it go instead of adding it to my pile of troubles.

I've had a plateful of worries lately.  I know we all do, but for some reason they've seemed extra overwhelming when I'm already extra-charged with hormones/emotions.

My dad is falling daily and his balance seems to be rapidly declining.  I've been on the phone trying to make arrangements for a motorized chair and playing phone tag with the doctor's office about adjusting medications and trying to figure out what to do to make it better.  I think a trip to the doctor would be a good start.  (I really need to record more of the dad story in general- it's constantly on my to-do list, and I hope those lessons and inspiration will come back to me as I attempt to record them.)

The long-awaited allergist appointment happened yesterday and we got good news and bad news.  Sam was a trooper as they did a thorough (16 items!) scratch panel.  The good news is that the food allergies we've been worried about seem to be a non-issue.  The bad news is that he had the highest allergy levels possible for trees, weeds, and grasses, but it's nothing a daily allergy medicine won't help.  He also has a mild allergy to cats and dogs, letting me off the hook on the pet frontier.  ;)  The worst news is that because food allergies are not the cause of his digestive issues, we're back to the drawing board and in for more tests and a long wait to meet with a pediatric GI doctor.

On Tuesday I woke up knowing I couldn't go through the whole day with the same gloom that I carried around on Monday, so I made a list and made the effort to get the boys out the door with me for a trip to Costco.  While we were loading up to come home a friend called and I was so happy to have her drop by, even though I would be unloading groceries and feeding lunches and doing nothing too exciting.  It was so nice to talk, and as I discussed the disconnected feelings I was experiencing, she brought a fresh perspective that was oh so welcome.  She helped me see that maybe part of my funk was coming from my lack of time/resources/energy to help others, something that is usually a big part of my life.  The fact that caring for my own family is all-consuming for me right now leaves little left over for others.  As I continued to think about her observation, I realized that I need to feel needed, and not being able to help others at my normal pace and to feel needed was playing a definite role in my funk.

My visit Tuesday with my friend was a good shot in the arm, and a few hours later I received another one when I was able to help a friend with a project that we'd started on a few weeks earlier.  It involved computer skills, something I can still do, and I was so grateful to feel useful and productive and needed.  As I was visiting with this friend while we worked, the thought came to me, "You are not forgotten."  It made me think of the talk quoted above.  Hours earlier I had prayed to get out of my funk, to help others, to feel purpose, and my answers came promptly through others.  I know that I am not forgotten by my Heavenly Father, and as much as it may feel like it sometimes, that no one is.

Happy Weekend!  With a gorgeous weekend forecast I think sunshine and yard work and hopefully a visit to the tulip festival will be on the agenda.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Slowing Down

This quote sums it all up quite nicely.  

Time is flying, but I am stuck in slow-motion.  I have so much I should be doing.  Task after task is written on lists made in the quiet of the night when sleep won't come.  My attempts to pick up my pace are met with blunders and exhaustion and the kinds of failures I can only laugh about at the end of the day.  A few days ago my efforts to have friends over for breakfast led to an orange julius explosion covering my kitchen, a waffle maker rescued from the garbage when I realized a flipped circuit breaker was the only "repair" it needed, cold waffles, sub-par smoothies and half a batch of batter down the drain, and a breakfast fail with the company being the only bright spot.  Luckily I was laughing, or I probably would have cried.

Pregnancy brings vulnerability for me, and somehow every doubt of my mothering abilities is right at the surface.  I'm not doing my best mothering as lack of sleep and physical discomfort lessen my patience and abilities, so it's not hard for me to find an abundance of examples of sub-par parenting.  With each baby I've found myself asking the question that I'm just sure (as in as sure as a crazy, pregnant mom can be) others must be asking, "What makes her think she can do this? She really thinks she can raise a child, two kids, three, four!?"  I'm usually a fairly self-assured person, but the doubts creep in easily when I'm pregnant.  I have to regularly remind myself that those doubts are lies before they take over and limit my abilities even further.

I'm learning to look for the little reminders of my purpose as a mother.  When I open my eyes, they're all around.  Yesterday the muffin sat on my lap while I helped him get socks and shoes.  As he narrated our activities, I had the thought, "You are so blessed to be doing exactly what you want to be doing."  I needed those words, and I'm grateful to have had that impression come at just the right time.

I'm realizing the third trimester has taken over and the need to be slow and settle in far outweighs the pages of spring cleaning chores and home decorating that I'd like to be doing.  I'm in an intensive season, and that's ok.  Those lists will be waiting for the moments when I have bursts of energy to nest.  They will wait for long afternoons when the baby has arrived and does a lot of sleeping and I feel up to a few chores.  For right now, my focus needs to be on people and not on the many things that I think need done.

It's our last weekend of spring break, and I'm hoping to fill it with movie nights and games and easy meals and time spent together as a family.  Hope your weekend is full of the people that matter most.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Quick Pics

It's the middle of the week and I'm just getting back to the blog.  Ah, the best-laid plans.  I've had much to share but the internet has been a little spotty with the work around the house.  Today I spent the day listening to jack-hammering.  Somehow the muffin still managed to take an afternoon nap.  A few other happenings?

Miss A lost a front tooth yesterday.  It's been about a year since she lost the bottom two, and we were definitely out of practice and unprepared for the drama that accompanies such an ordeal.  She was brave and awesome, but emotional about the growing up aspect of it all.  That cute boy she's posing with has been crawling into bed with me, snoring loud enough to disrupt my sleep during the night, and waking me up with a wet bed in the morning.  I've done a lot of laundry the past couple of days.  Two nights in a row of those stunts have me hoping he doesn't do another repeat performance tonight.

I'm happy to report that a haircut really does wonders.  I've been feeling seriously frumpy lately.  Not too much of a cut- I don't need to enhance the current round face- but I definitely needed a color and happily covered up some serious regrowth.  That cute boy alternates between melting my heart and boiling my blood.  He's very two lately.  But he's very cute.  I suppose I'll keep him.

Speaking of round face, that's not the only thing that's round.  30 1/2 weeks.  Horizontal stripes aren't exactly flattering, but I don't have plans to give them up anytime soon.

Hoping to be back soon to share more of what's been on my mind by way of being better.  You know I'm still thinking about it+working on it despite the large distraction in the photo above.  Hope you're having a great week!