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I'm back from a few days in sunny Arizona and I feel refreshed and happy and ready to conquer the world. After my time leaving Miss A six years ago, I didn't think time away from my kids was for me. I felt selfish and guilty just thinking about what I (naively) considered totally self-indulgent. I will be the first to admit that I was wrong! I had no idea how much good a little sunshine+friend time+delicious food+rest/relaxation could be.
I'm in the adjustment phase since getting back home and back in the routine. The husband took wonderful care of everyone while I was gone, and he sent me morning messages with pictures of him+the kids and well wishes for each day. He almost left me wondering why they really need me considering they did so well without me.
Those thoughts were semi-confirmed today when de-Man let me know all day long that I'm no fun and dad is super fun. Salt was rubbed in the wound when I rocked the muffin before his nap this afternoon and he looked up at me, grinned, and said, "I da-da's boy." Tonight we talked through some of our parenting differences with our kids and reiterated to them that the same things are important to both of us. I think it's been good for me to reexamine some of my parenting strategies as I try to learn from some of the husband's strengths that the kids were able to experience last week. I'm sure there will be more thoughts to come as I ponder on being a better mom.
I haven't had so much down time to just think as I had while traveling. What a luxury- and something I've determined I must make a little more time for regularly. I made lists about house projects and menus and groceries and goals and blog ideas. I'm coming up on the anniversary of Bee. While I'm happy about where things are, there are many things I'm hoping to accomplish.
Some of my original goals have been a little lost along the way. I need to share more of my experiences taking care of my dad. I'm sure some of you skip those posts, but it's important for me to document the way I grew and changed during that period of my life. Those posts are extremely difficult for me to write. They take a long time as the memories start flowing, and I feel the emotional weight of them all over again. I feel vulnerable sharing those lessons that were so personal and monumental for me and wondering if they resonate with anyone else. But sharing those stories was one of the reasons I felt compelled to start Bee, and so I will share.
I've had ideas since before I began last year about learning from others. I've been too nervous to jump in and launch those ideas, but I think it's time. I'm refining the direction I want Bee to go. Feedback is more than welcome.
At the same time I'm thinking of all the things I want to do here, I'm also thinking about how to cut back on the screen-time in my life. It's a hard balance, but I think I need to read less and write more. It's time for another good cut of the blogs in my reader and a more deliberate approach to time management. I'm planning to audition several approaches- the first being computer time only during certain hours during the day. Feel free to chime in and tell me what works for you.
So, there you have it. Home again. As truly perfect as my trip was, I was ready to come back to all that waited for me. An incredible husband+sweet kids who put on a welcome home party for me. Pictures and signs greeted me along with one of the best surprises- my found wedding ring. After I walked in the door, the husband had to leave for a long night at work, but we ate leftovers from the week and drank smoothies and took baths and enjoyed being together again. I think a fresh dose of perspective was also healthy- this is exactly where I want to be.