Sunday, August 28, 2011

Quiet Night

image via

I'm sitting here listening to the thunder and the hum of the dishwasher  (it's second run of the evening- lots of dishes from dinner+cake and ice cream celebration with extended family to celebrate the husband's birthday last week).
Last week was quiet here on Bee.  I commented to the husband that last week was probably the most emotionally draining parenting week I've had to date.  Blogging took a back seat (as it should) so I could focus on my kids.  They needed me, and I think I needed them just as much.  I needed them to refocus me to the importance of our relationships.  I needed them to remind me about how crucial my role is at this amazing time in their lives.   And even thought I needed that dose of perspective, I want to convey that it's not all peaches and cream over here.
I'm exhausted from the muffin's cries of "hold you" accompanied by insatiable hunger along with a fair share of meltdowns from his older brother and sass coupled with emotional breakdowns from the girl.  Miss A is still having a rough time adjusting to first grade after her lunchroom dilemma from earlier in the week repeated itself Friday.  This time she tried to stand up for herself with a well-played, "You're not the boss of me," but the older student persisted with "Ya' gotta' go," and she caved.  I sent a teacher e-mail and hope the problem will be solved, but in the mean time I spent some time tonight reassuring her that school would be ok tomorrow and that things would improve.  We've had a lot more breakdowns this weekend than we've seen for a long time, and I'm trying to remind myself that this is normal considering what she's going through right now, but it's hard to always be understanding after the  20th moment of her being reduced to tears over nothing.
After back-to-school night last week for de-Man, it was determined that a preschool change needed to happen.  He was heartbroken when he realized that one of his teacher's and none of his friends were going back to the preschool he attended last year. When I delivered the bad news he started to cry and told me that I'd hurt his feelings the very most.  Not sure he understands what it actually means to hurt someone's feelings, but he definitely understood that he was not happy about the changes.  I found a new school where he has a friend attending, and I'm hopeful that we'll both be excited after meeting the teachers tomorrow.  Figuring out exactly what will be best for this boy is hard work- I'm still not sure if I'm making the right decision.  I feel more at peace than I did before, so I think I'm on the right track, but hopefully tomorrow will bring the clarity I need.
The muffin seemed extra needy last week, too.  He's becoming more and more aware of some of his food limitations, and it's the saddest thing to see him feel excluded when everyone is eating ice cream and he gets a popsicle, or everyone else has a cookie and he has a sucker.  I didn't read labels as much last week, and he ended up with a rash just because I let him have some cereal.  It's just not worth it to let him cheat, but it's really sad to see him upset.  If he had his pick I'd read him books all day everyday.  Unfortunately, that can't be my daily agenda, and so lots of tears and cries of "read, pees" have been heard recently.
A serious case of moodiness on my part hasn't helped anything.  I'm pretty sure the husband didn't ask for a beastly wife for his birthday, but sadly that's kind of what he got.  I've been consumed by the needs of my kids plus the other stresses of life- trying to make some financial changes, stressed about various other responsibilities, feeling spread thin for all the things I need to be taking care of.  I haven't been putting my best efforts into being a wife, and I feel guilty.  Luckily, I married one understanding husband.
It's been a lot of hard days in a row. I know that at some point things will get easier.  We'll get through the growing pains and find our groove.  I can look back and still find much goodness in the past week.  But right now, I am tired.  This job is not for the faint of heart.  Family life is wonderful and rewarding and joyous, but man it is hard work.
Tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully the start of a lot of good days in a row (and a little more time to write around here).  Wishing the same to you!

1 comment:

Hannah said...

Oh, that makes me so mad! I can't believe no one is watching out for those first-week first-graders! I also am mad that the older kids are sitting at the same table. Really...the little kiddos at A's school should have their own table. Em sits with her class. They have specific tables at lunch. Poor A!

Hope things went better today!!