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I remember growing up and lying in bed the night before a new school year, stomach full of butterflies and excitement at what the year might hold. As well prepared as I was with a backpack full of pencils and notebooks, there were some lessons learned over the years that nothing could have prepared me for.
I remember preparing to have my babies and lying in bed the night before my inductions, my head full of the thoughts and dreams about what my new babe would be like and how my world would change, and my heart racing at the thought of how labor and delivery might go. Although I went to bed with my bag packed and the nursery ready, there have been many lessons with each of my children that nothing could have prepared me for.
Although it may seem much less significant in the long run, I have nerves tonight like those I've had on so many of the "night before's". Tonight is the night before the muffin's allergy testing. We've been waiting for months to get in with the allergist, and I'm excited that we've finally reached the time when it's our turn. So far we've eliminated dairy, soy, eggs, and peanuts from his diet after seeing signs of reactions. Earlier this week after showing pollen sensitivities and being diagnosed with asthma, we'll also hopefully do some environmental allergy testing. They told us to prepare for a long day, so I'm working on packing the bag full of toys and blankets and books- oh this boy loves books. Hopefully we can bring enough things to distract him from the unpleasantness he'll be going through.
I'm excited to have answers. I know that knowledge is power and that it will be easier to take care of my baby when I know what exactly I need to protect him from and what will keep him safe. I'm crossing my fingers that most of these will be things he will outgrow over time. But the nervousness that often accompanies the night before's is here in full force. I know there will be things I learn through this experience with food allergies that nothing could have prepared me for. I worry that the things I have been feeding him will be ruled out. I worry that we will have to adapt his diet even more, which really becomes a change for our whole family in many ways. Food is a big thing for me- I love to share it with people I love, and I worry that many of my favorite foods won't be things I can share with my child.
Amidst the worries, there are a few things I know. I know that somehow I will have the skills I need to care for my child and his needs. If Heavenly Father wanted me to be his mother, I trust that I will be blessed with the abilities I need to do that job. I know that I can experiment in the kitchen, and that even if there is no dairy and no egg and no nuts and no soy in our future (but please bless that we can still have wheat!) that I will find meals that taste good. And I know that this is a special little boy I am blessed to raise, and I'll learn whatever I need to so I can care for him.