Wednesday, July 16, 2014

a recipe for a Wednesday

I buy bananas almost every time I grocery shop, but I don't remember the last time I actually just ate a banana.  Their fate is always smoothies or muffins at my house.  I had a request for my banana muffin recipe today and thought I'd share it here while I was already typing it up.  My kids love these, and when I have a lot of bananas I double the batch and freeze half for quick breakfasts.

1 c. sugar (I usually cut this by up to half)
2 1/2 c. flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg (I've omitted this when I'm out without a problem)
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 c. oil (I often use canola, but they are delicious with coconut oil or butter, and I've also subbed applesauce for the oil although it decreases the banana flavor)
3 eggs
2 c. mashed bananas
1 tsp vanilla

Combine dry ingredients.  Add wet ingredients.  Bake at 350 for approximately 20 minutes or until golden brown.  This can also be made in loaves, bake in 2 greased loaf pans for 1 hour.  

Sunday, July 6, 2014

One Step Enough

I am a planner.  I love doing research, fine combing the details, and planning things to perfection.  In some instances it's great.  Trips can be well-orchestrated.  Parties can be pulled off without a hitch.  Day-to-day living is a tad bit messier.

A few weeks ago I was feeling really frustrated about events I knew would be happening sometime, but they're out of my control and I have no idea if or when they will come to pass.  I was driving home and suddenly the words to "Lead, Kindly Light" were filling my ears and my heart.  "Keep thou my feet, I do not ask to see the distant scene, one step enough for me."  These words brought tears to my eyes and spoke peace to my heart.  I usually feel like a person full of faith, but I realized my faith had been lacking in regards to the timing of things to come.

Waiting can be hard.  It is difficult to operate on someone else's time table.  When I realize that the timing of the One I'm waiting on is perfect, it makes things a little more bearable.  Over the past few weeks I've still found myself with a little bit of stress about the unknown, but I've been reminded that one step is enough.  I need to focus on the here and now instead of worrying about the coming tomorrows.  Heaven knows there's still plenty in the here and now for me to worry about.  :)

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day

Lately I've felt like if I had a boss in my job as a mom, there is a good chance my job would be on the line.  I'm stretching and growing in ways I haven't before, and it's not always comfortable.  I am in the middle of some hard work, and not just the physical demands of motherhood.  It's the soul work that is the most demanding.  

In the middle of it all, I see the beauty.  I think about conversations with Charlie about answered prayers.  I open sweet cards from Sam telling me how amazing I am.  I watch Addie orchestrate grand performances and work so hard to be helpful.  I give in to Nellie's demands of "lap, book" knowing that some day she won't be by my side.  

I am blessed beyond measure to have this job.  It is what I would choose a million times over.  But I'm also at a point right now recognizing what I should have learned a while ago: if I want to take care of these beautiful kids and my amazing husband, I have to take care of myself.  It is hard for me to admit that, but at the same time it's kind of empowering.  It's ok for me to make myself a meal and sit and eat it without interruption.  It's ok for me to read a book that doesn't begin with once upon a time.  It's ok for me to take a walk without a stroller.  It's ok for me to leave the house without kids and go somewhere besides the grocery store.  I've come to understand this over the past few days, so now I get to begin to put it into practice.  I'm hopeful I can find a balance. 

I am so grateful for the times I've been dedicated to writing.  I've read through my posts tagged motherhood over the past few days and learned so much.  There were forgotten events that I was glad I'd recorded, lessons I used to know that I'd somehow lost site of, and quotes that hit me again as I re-read them. I need to write more regularly- it's a blessing to me.  

Happy Mother's Day.  I'm sure this is not the most inspirational post around today- for a few of those, read my archives.  ;)  In the mean time, I'm in the trenches, but I'm so glad to be there.  

Wednesday, April 23, 2014


I haven't tried to be absent from this space, it's just happened.  I hate looking back at chunks of missing time with no record of our lives.  We just lived them.  I suppose those months of missing entries can tell me some things about what must have been happening- obviously it was too much busy, and writing about it took a back seat.  But I'm ready to write again.  It's good for my head and my heart.

Lately I've been in the middle of some growing as a mom.  It's the kind of growth that makes me feel like I'm not only failing as a mom, but I'm failing my children.  Deep down I know that neither of those things are true, but I also know that if I don't give this job my best efforts they could both become true.  Days seem so long, sometimes.  Over the weekend, I read a thought on Easter that really struck me.  "The world's best and worst days were only 3 days apart." Such a great sentiment for one of my most loved holidays, but also such great perspective for the trenches of motherhood.  Recently I've felt like I've had some of the worst days of motherhood.  Reading this helped me realize that just because one day was the worst doesn't mean the next day couldn't be the best.

Writing feels rusty.  But I want to come back.  There is life to catch up on documenting and things to keep track of moving forward.  Onwards and upwards, right?  It's spring, that's a good start.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Home Sweet Home

I'm writing from my new desk in my new house.  I can't even tell you how good it feels.  There are boxes everywhere.  My garage is full thanks to some builder issues which made us have to move everything into the garage instead of the house.  We spent part of this week at my in-laws and part of it in a hotel and things have been chaotic and stressful as we've met with the bank and the builder trying to work things out, but right now, none of that really matters.  What matters is that we're here.  I don't think I realized how much stress I've been under until it all started to melt away the first night we slept here.  I feel a measure of peace that I haven't felt in months.  I just needed to record the right here and right now so I don't forget the satisfaction that has come.  I'm home and my heart is happy. I'll be back soon with pictures.  

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Merry Christmas

I didn't send Christmas cards this year.  If I'm lucky I'll get out new year's greetings, or maybe Easter cards as I've done in the past, but I'm not making any promises.  So take this as your Christmas greetings. 

This year has been so full.  Looking back to January, we've been on a ride that we never expected this year.  I never would have guessed that we'd be selling our home and building a new one.  It brings meaning to the adage, "life is what happens when you are busy making plans."  We are already starting to see the blessings of following these promptings to make our home some place new.  I am grateful to our Heavenly Father for the journey He has led us on.  It's been full of learning and growth.  I am also grateful to feel settled again soon.  The in between times can be tiresome.  This month has been a blur as our house gets closer to completion in the midst of the holidays and family birthdays and so many other good things.  Last night I took some time to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas, and all of the stresses melted away for a little while.  I know that Jesus Christ came to earth, a perfect, sweet baby, and that He lived a perfect life and died for each of us.  Even though the story of His birth is common and widely told, it still feels personal and sacred to me each time I hear it or read it or retell it.  My knowledge of Him is my anchor, and after this year I feel especially aware of this.  Wishing you and yours the peace that only He can bring!

via Jessica Haderlie

Friday, September 20, 2013

Checking In

I have accepted that while there is a season for everything, this is not currently my season for blogging. Hopefully in a few months that will change, but right now things are sporadic at best, and that's ok.  I do want to remember a few things here and there. I want to remember that last Saturday Nellie took her first steps while I was on a walk to the temple with some ladies from church.  I want to remember that she can't be bothered with anyone trying to coax her and only wants to do it if no one is paying attention.
I want to remember that building a home is equal parts hard and wonderful.  It is a blessing that I am grateful for every day, but it is also not easy.  Shawni, one of my favorite bloggers, posted about her experience with building a few weeks ago.  And then she was massacred in the comments section for "complaining" about the process.  I have hesitated to post much about building for that very reason.  I know that most of the people who read my blog are friends and family who are genuinely interested, but I don't want to seem ungrateful when I talk about the hard things (even though they really are  hard!).  I don't want to lead people down a path of comparison.  I plan to share some pictures when all is said and done, but in the mean time it's not something I want to share every detail about.  I'm happy to talk about it when people ask (and if you have questions, feel free to do so!), but it's not something I want to write about at length.  Progress is being made slowly but surely, and I'm still working on making a few decisions.  As grateful as I am for the process, I will also be grateful when it's over.  I look forward to feeling my time being less divided, because this process ranges from a part-time to full-time job, and I already have a full-time job that I kind of like and that I really want to give all of my energy to.
I want to remember living in this quirky house.  I think the kids have loved sharing a room (minus Nellie).  I will be glad to have everyone sleeping a little more.  I will be glad when light fixtures are hanging from the ceiling instead of piled high all over the house.  I will be glad to have food that doesn't rapidly spoil due to humidity or a fridge that likes to freeze my food.  I will be glad to not feel so displaced, not feeling like I belong much of anywhere.
I want to remember that this week with Sam has been eternally long.  A ruptured ear drum that didn't fully rupture initially led to some long days and longer nights.  The amount of crying has been astounding, and I've felt so bad for my poor boy.  But today he's rebounding and I'm so glad we're turning the corner.
Today I want to remember that the sun is shining and the air is crisp, but warming up a little for the weekend.  Oh, how I savor these last few warm days.  General conference is around the corner, and the anticipation makes me happy.  There are good days ahead.